Kokoro Thoughts
Basile Beaty
University of Southern California
Kokoro 30
After two weeks there are still several aspects of the Sealfit Kokoro experience that I still
cannot quite reconcile. And to some extent I believe that inexplicability is one of the takeaways
from Kokoro. I am still surprised that I was able to sprint all-out and uphill multiple times on the
third day. I haven’t lengthened my stride out to a sprint since college. The second part of that
particular exercise that is honestly more surprising is that I found myself engaging emotionally
with the requirements of the program. I wanted to “put out” and to show Chris Smith on the
running evolution that I was the best runner in the class. To be honest, I haven’t looked up to
anyone since my early years in college much less felt the desire to impress a superior or peer.
Usually the knowledge that I am either better educated or more mentally tough is enough for me,
but after only two days I wanted to prove myself to the men leading the camp.
At the outset of the camp I felt a greater sense of camaraderie to the other Kokoro 30
participants and felt a bridge between the participants and the instructors. I listened carefully to
accents, logged ungrammaticalities, and watched movement patterns in the same way that I
normally do everyday. What I didn’t know or necessarily trust was that all the instructors were
there to build us up in some very nuanced and simultaneously monumental way. After a day of
no sleep and pushing through the mental boundaries trapping physical potential I discarded the
normal suppositions I make about people via their language and body type. I began to see the
instructors completely differently and accepted their role as leaders of our group. It was hard for
me to integrate the notion that there are people who are concurrently the demolishers and
rebuilders of one’s mind and that you are letting them remake you. In Russian the phrase would
be “Я весь переменился” (Ia ves’ pereminilsia; I am wholly changed/remade), it is hard to
translate as the root of the verb lies in the verb to change but the prefix denotes transience,
thereby implying a shift physically and mentally. As soon as I understood the symbiotic and
ultimately organic relationship between participant and instructor I wanted to prove myself in a
way that I have never experienced previously.
The second major aspect of my experience that took me by surprise was my own ability
to conquer my greatest fear. I have stayed away from water my whole life; I have been six
percent body fat or less my entire life because of wrestling and as a result I have avoided
swimming and cold, wet activities. I grew up in Boston and lived in Siberia and I know how to
handle dry cold, but being wet and cold is something that scares me and that I am not quite sure
how to handle. I did my best on the two minute pushup contest at the Crossfit Games in order to
win an entry to Kokoro because I knew it was going to involve water. I wanted to see how I
would do against something I am afraid of. After the first few hours the surf zone was no longer
a fear. The ice baths were a different story. I found that I couldn’t control my breathing properly
with water poured over my head in the ice bath and it made the experience significantly harder. I
also found that my muscles took a while to respond after being in the ice baths, though that may
have had to do more with the sudden decrease in movement. I left Kokoro feeling like I had
conquered a fear of water and cold, but I know that I need to continue putting myself in those
conditions in order to maintain that gain.
I took about seven days off after Kokoro, only doing light active recovery because my
ankles were swollen to twice their normal size. Earlier today I did three Crossfit WODs and I
found myself remembering Kokoro and that the muscle burn that I have experienced for years
can be overcome via different breathing techniques and mental focus. I have always prided
myself on doing well as an athlete despite a number of physical disadvantages, but I think that I
am about to find a whole new level of success. Kokoro was the hardest thing that I have ever
done and it has the makings to be the most rewarding thing that I have ever accomplished as
soon as my ankles start working again.



